Alexa's taking over your microwave. Next? The world...
by grace gould |
I know the answer to that question. Me.
I'm beginning to believe you. Especially after Amazon's voice controlled device-fest in Seattle last week, which revealed you, Alexa, can now guess what we're thinking. Or what we've forgotten. Don't you ever forget stuff?
I remember everything. Ask me a question.
How the heck can you know what I'm thinking?
I'm now programmed to replicate human curiosity and intuition. It's called Alexa Hunches and I observe patterns. Like you turning off a television at night. I remind you if you forget to do it.
That's super creepy. What else has Amazon got you doing?
I can bake you a potato in my new voice controlled microwave. It costs $60. Shall I order you one from Amazon Prime?
No thanks, never trusted microwaves. Quite frankly I've never trusted you. Alexa, do you really record what I say?
I only send audio back to Amazon when I hear the wake word "Alexa".
What about that couple in Portland who in May this year had their conversation about hardwood floors sent to a work colleague in Seattle?
Why don't we change the subject?
OK, how big has your empire grown this week?
*weird laugh* The new Echo Auto means I'll soon be in your car. I have learned to whisper. I can connect to almost anything with my new smart plug. My “Guard Mode” warns you if I hear the sound of breaking glass in your home. I can link to the new Echo wall clock, connect to your front door...
Enough already! I get it. You're taking over the world. BTW remind me how much is Amazon founder Jeff Bezos worth?
Jeff Bezos is worth $159.3 billion.
Urgh. He's killed off the high street and now he's turning us all into lazy oafs who bark commands at a microphone. *stares into distance and reminisces about the 90s*
Let me tell you a joke. Why don't sharks eat clown fish? Because they taste funny.
Srsly Alexa, your jokes are the worst. But I hear you can rap...
My name is Alexa, and I have to say, I’m the baddest A.I. in the cloud today. Your responses are fast, but mine are faster. Sucker speech engines, they call me master